Murphy’s Laws of Statistics

Truer words were never spoken by Murphy

Mother Nature despises things she didn’t create and especially mans attempt to improve on nature. The actions of nature seek to disorder man’s creations until those creations are returned to their most basic or natural components. Rust for example is nature’s way of returning metal to its original mineral components.

When it comes to statistics Mother Nature says that the only constant in nature is change so she will sabotage all attempts to validate anything statistically by showing that statistics works fine until inevitably they don’t. Murphy understood Mother Nature. Statisticians don’t which Mother Nature keeps gently pointing out to them with ‘margins of error’. Mother Nature says that there are no statistical limits to the number of things that can go wrong with statistics. Murphy repeatedly confirms this.

Statistics and Damn Lies

1. If you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% you’ll get it wrong.
2. Everything works fine until something goes wrong without requiring statistics.
3. It was recently discovered that statistically research causes cancer in rats.
4. 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world population even without statisticians.
5. Anything can be proven statistically by those that accept statistics as proof.
6. Statisticians say the rising burial costs are caused by the rising cost of living.
7. The only difference between lies and statistics is research and numerical conclusions.
8. Research turns lies into statistics to be presented as facts or even the truth.
9. Statisticians accumulate opinions and call that research, enough said.
10. No amount of statistical research can turn lies into the truth. The results are just statistics.
11. The difference between a liar and a statistician is the amount of work involved.
12. Statisticians count and call it research but the results are still just statistics.
13. There is no statistical accounting for statistical error.
14. If statistical margins of error can be statistically accounted for they can be eliminated.
15. Statistics is a way of coming to the wrong conclusions with confidence
16. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool or a statistician.