From Livestock to Laughing Stock: New Zealand’s Government’s Plan to Tax Cow and Sheep Farts to Stop Climate Change. The poor animals can’t enjoy the relieving experience of a fart in peace anymore. How long will it take until Eamon Ryan tries the same stunt on here?
Cow and sheep burps and farts are to be taxed in New Zealand in a plan by the Wellington Parliament to cut greenhouse gases. This proposal would make New Zealand, a large agricultural producer and exporter, the first country in the world to have farmers pay for emissions from livestock. To control climate change, the New Zealand government last week unveiled plans to impose a ‘burping & farting tax’ on livestock. New Zealand is 24th in the world’s CO2 ranking and their government are going to save the world by taxing their flatulent sheep and cattle. “That will stop their farting gallop” one Wellington MP who could barely contain his glee and who does not wish to be named said. Meanwhile New Zealand’s cattle and sheep are oblivious to this and they continue farting to their hearts content.
Greenhouse Farting Gas Tax Opportunity
New Zealand is a country, with more sheep and cows combined than people and their parliament has come up with a plan to tax belching and farting sheep and cattle in an hair brained scheme to collect more taxes under the guise of containing ‘greenhouse gas emissions.’ As of June 2021, there were approximately 25.97 million sheep and 10 million cattle in New Zealand a country with just 5 million people. The legislators must have been chopping at their greedy bit’s to find an excuse to tax them and in a world gone mad and suffering from Post Covid 19 Stress Disorder (P19SD) they finally found a way that could not only tax those farting herbivores but send a unique virtue signalling message of warning to the completely complacent Covid weary world. However it only resonated momentarily with the ‘Woke’ who are busy with gender issues and the final elimination of women as a legally recognised gender.
New Zealand’s Non Farting Human Population
The fart free human population of New Zealand of just over 5 million is of 70% of European descent. This is reflected in immigration, with most new migrants coming from Britain and Ireland. 16.5% of New Zealand’s population consists of indigenous Maoris’ being the largest minority followed by 15.3% of Asians and 9% of non-Maori Pacific Islanders known collectively as Pasifika, all non farting. The designation Pasifika doesn’t sound politically correct in a liberally minded country where political correctness is only overtaken by the Earth shattering threat of farting herbivores.
Agricultural Greenhouse Emissions
Nearly half of New Zealand’s total greenhouse gas emissions are said to derive from farting agricultural animals, mainly methane. Up until now those alleged agricultural emissions commonly known as farts and belches have previously been exempted from the country’s emissions trading scheme. This has drawn the wrath of certain non farting elements within the government concerning its commitment to put a stop to global warming.
Flatulence Metres
Under this government plan, New Zealand’s farmers will have to pay for their sheep and cattle gas emissions from 2025. Short and long-lived farm gasses will be priced separately; however a single measure to calculate their volume will be used the Ministry for Environment announced. The proposed plan also includes “incentives” for farmers who reduce these emissions through feed additives. Will they eventually put farting and belching emission measuring meters on their unfortunate farting animals? Otherwise how will they measure the levels of methane? Adjustments in the feed given to the offending animals can virtually eliminate their farting methane emissions. How will they measure those non farting animals from their flatulent offenders?
Political Virtue Signalling
‘There is no question that we need to cut the amount of methane we are putting into the atmosphere, and an effective emissions pricing system for agriculture will play a key part in how we achieve that,’ climate change minister James Shaw said. Did he figure this out all on his own as a way of reducing methane emissions? Consumers, an insulting name for those who end up paying for this madness are the ones who will pick up the cost, with warnings that the price of meat and dairy produce will rise. Eamon Ryan must be furious that New Zealand has come up with this before he did. Charles Wallace Scott a New Zealand farmer asked “when will they include dogs and cats and even humans with exemptions of course for the flatulent hot air merchants in government?” We will leave Charles with the last word.