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Man Arrested For Hating Himself

US holidaymaker denied bail in Dublin

Denis O’Brien AKA Jam Master Jay. Image courtesy of https://pixabay.com/users/klaushausmann-1332067/

Denis O’Brien from Chicago was charged with 44 counts of conspiring to commit hate speech. O’Brien who identifies as black had been sitting in Saint Stephen’s Green feeding the ducks as the morning Call To Prayer rang out from the nearby Mosque. Several members of Trinity College Students Union noticed O’Brien looking pensive and moody. At first it was suspected that his attire: baggy pants, hoodie, baseball cap, timberland boots, gold chain and accessories were being worn in a cultural appropriationistic way, but when O’Brien was arrested and then questioned at nearby Pearse Street Garda (MI5) Station, a psychologist was called in to do an evaluation. It turned out that O’Brien who identifies as Jam Master Jay was “very disrespectful of himself”, according to psychologist Jemima McEntee, first cousin of Justice Minister Helen, who was called in to speak to O’Brien. Following several hours of questioning, she stated her strong suspicion that “Mr. Jay- whose passport indicates his denied identity as a white man, was guilty of several heinous thoughts of self-hatred. The law states that hatred against prescribed persons is illegal and we must follow up whether we like it or not.”

“My rights as a black man are being violated.” said O’Brien when interviewed at Pearse Street. “Dis be blaxploitation on a new level yo. My homies gonna get real mad when dey hear bout dis.” We couldn’t print the rest of his statement due to the use of language and threats of violence involving cars and guns that would be offensive to women and several minority groups.

It is believed that O’Brien came to Ireland on the pretext of coming for a vacation but during his stay he made an application for asylum, claiming that he was fleeing persecution in Chicago. “Crackers be callin me white when dey can clearly see I’m as blood as dey come yo. Ax anyone South Side.” O’Brien says he’s looking for a “crib” of his own, claiming that “N__as be gettin’ settled in, dog. They comin from all over.” During his expletive-filled tirades, he called for his music producer to come get him, but efforts to obtain assistance from The Legendary Traxster in Chicago proved fruitless as the respondent denied any knowledge of Mr. O’Brien.

Justice Minister Helen McEntee is fearlessly fighting word-crime in Ireland. Her YouTube channel can be found here. Why not boost her morale with some kind sentiments in the comments section of her videos?

 
 

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Tales From The Lockdown is a true personal account of one of the strangest periods in history, where ordinary civilised people abandoned the familiar trappings of humanity, logic and scientific rigour in favour of approval from a bizarre new secular cult whose roots have been quietly cultivated for centuries. The aims of this cabal were finally implemented in the 20th and 21st centuries by a conglomeration of transnational organisations, banks, corporations and their loyal servants- “democratic” national governments and their lackeys. Séamus recounts his adventures with the police, the courts and a new kind of self-appointed law enforcer: Ordinary cult members.

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